Here we go, starting another blog off with Kenna. Kenna has recently forced me to get into attachment theory, which is now overrunning my life and making me question every single motive and value I have. Thanks Kenna.
Attachment theory is best described, "How childhood affects life". The idea itself is based on the traits and habits you picked up on that lead you to the life you have now. You are the way you are because you adapted to your surroundings, even if they are negative adaptations. You take this little quiz and you find your attachment style, and there are secure and insecure types. Just with my luck, mine is an Anxious Attachment style. I always thought it was just my depression or anxiety causing me to act out in certain scenarios and maybe it's a little bit of both. But knowing my attachment style has definitely given me a new perspective on my life and the way I respond and behave. For instance, a person with an anxious attachment is insecure in themselves and their partner, not knowing whether or not what they are giving is being reciprocated. I thought that was just me, and it makes me feel a lot better knowing there are other people with the same attachment type struggling and learning through these things at the same time as me.
I've caught myself in past relationships needing constant validation and reassurance. I knew I have never been truly secure in who I am, and my father was always asking me, "Why don't you like yourself?" And to be honest I still really don't know why. I think social media has a big play in my life unfortunately. Because of me moving around a lot as a child, most of my friends are in different states and I keep up with all of them over the phone. I know vaguely that can't be good for my mental health, but not talking to them and knowing them would probably be worse so I'm always stuck in an in between phase with that. But either way, I am on my phone a lot of the time, scrolling, liking, comparing, finding new people for outfit inspiration and art. It's a blessing and a curse.
When I don't have constant reassurance I have a tendency to overreact and shut down, and I never realized that was attachment theory. An anxious attachment is caused partially by parents who are nurturing at some times, and cold and unpredictable the next. It causes a developing child's mind to assume nothing can be matter-of-fact, and to second guess someone else's opinion. I never noticed how often I tend to do that. However, insecure attachment styles can be grown out of and improved over time- so I'm working to be more secure with myself however that happens.
Right now it's difficult, but I'm hoping that when I pick up some classes next term and start working towards my long term goals, I will settle into place and find some purpose in what I'm doing at the moment. So far, it's going well and I sincerely suggest taking this quiz and finding out more about yourself. Also text Kenna and say thankyou. bye bye xo
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