Lots have happened in the past four months, so quickly that it's almost impossible to keep track. I've met lots of new people- I've stopped talking to just as many, I've moved again which was just as unplanned as everything else is. I have a horrendous case of writer's block at the moment, mostly because I'm so focused on writing music and trying to sort things out with poetry and journaling and all of the little things in between.
When you explain Oregon to someone, you tell them it rains. You bring up a waterfall maybe, you tell them it's foggy and dreary but beautiful. You might talk about the mountains or skiing or everything Oregon is known for. But one thing I don't think many people cover enough is the seasonal depression a lot of Oregon's population has. Being constantly covered by clouds and smog can make your head feel just as clouded, and I never took that seriously enough when I lived there. I think I just didn't know enough about it. However if you're from Oregon, you most likely know a handful of people who pop Vitamin D like it's candy.
Being in Milford right now is kind of like that. The sun shines so rarely that I am pretty sure I don't even remember a golden hour existing, and I know it's even worse up North. Sometimes recently it just hits really hard being alone in a new area, and all of my military brats can relate, even if this move wasn't specifically for that reason. Having that whole new kid effect in public school, where it's relevant, was easier for me as a kid. I was outgoing, loud, and I spoke & screamed way too much. But now, in a new town, out of high school, not working yet, an introvert in the midst of Covid, I know absolutely no one here. Because of having no attachments, my presence in Michigan currently matters to literally no one.
On that note, this has given me time to figure out some personal values and grow a little more on my own. As all of these major events of the past 5 months have done, I'm just gaining random experience little by little. Once I start working here and get my truck safe and running properly, I'm out for another insanely random chain of events, and I'll probably be back here talking about personal growth, development, and mental health again. Life is one fat cycle at the moment, and I've realized as I've gotten older that that's just what it tends to be. We get sad in the winter, we claim we're growing, (and we are) but the next year comes back around and we make our silly resolutions and the world continues. And as I have said before, YES I am a deep seeded pessimist, but truly I don't find these thoughts hard to cope with or negative, they are just completely rational facts. Anyways, till next time when I have nothing to do. Xo -Audj
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